why do i do what i do?

i seem to be having these bouts of depression.. or whatever mental health problem this is. these few days, i rather stay in.. stay in my room all day. don't wanna talk to ppl. once i do, i snap at them. i go from super down to super high suddenly. WTF?!

i'm quite scared of myself. n annoyed. it got better yesterday.. but then now it's back again. the boys (gen n jia) r worried about me.. n they're making me (or gen was) go to gen's place tmr after all for the house hop thing. both wanna talk to me.. and ask me why i'm so emo. I DON'T KNOW. i really don't know... i just know i'm emo.. but i dunno y... n at first it was all bottled up. but crap. once i started blogging, all that pent up frustration is being released now in the form of tears.

i think i'm really scared of monday... i'm trying to be ok. and thinking of all the possible ways things might go wrong. or even if things don't go wrong, about the pain n frustration and unhappiness it may bring. i know i'm a terrible patient. i like to be left alone. but i'm in a house full of women who cannot leave ppl alone.. i'm gonna be a terrible patient for them.. i just know it.

n that also means i won't be able to see ppl for the last week or 2 that i'm here... i'll be an immobile thing on the bed. annoying as ever!! like i already am. i suspect due to stupid hormones too. wtf. yes. why is my body fucking up?! other parts of my body seem to be failing too.. n i just feel unwell. and it's making my mood SOO wonky it's not funny.

i don't know.. i've already met a lot of ppl i care for n miss in sg.. but some i haven't. and due to circumstance or whatever, we still haven't. n with monday rolling on along soon. i just feel like maybe i won't get to meet them after all. n sometimes things get so hard to organise (yes we're all so busy!) that i feel tired. i mean. why am i the one trying all the time huh?! WTF. if u dun wanna see me, then it's ok. i don't need ur fake efforts. n u dun even bother to have fake effort that's the problem.

so yar lor. i feel so GRR. unloved. and don't see the point of staying here. soo much drama and things i've to consider when i'm here. but in melb, i'm all responsible for just myself alone. it feeels somewhat better that way. so i missed melb for quite a bit. but when i look on fb and also think about it. it's not like anyone in melb misses me or that there's any pulling factor there too.. basically the world goes on without me. i don't belong to either place.

i could've chosen the path tonight. to escape to a place. to receive someone's warmth. to hide for a while, just because i can. but i chose not to. i don't even know WHY. FOR WHAT. SHIT, i feel like a damn fool.

Reebonz 99% Sale! and Reebonz FAQ

Remember what I told you about Reebonz before? www.reebonz.com

They're based mainly in Singapore, but their site can be customised for: Singapore , Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia, Hong Kong, South Korea, Taiwan and International.

Basically, ANYONE can join and gain from their amazing concept..

Reebonz holds events/ sales on various branded merchandise at discounted prices. All their items at point of sale are authentic and brand new! Think Prada, Gucci, Coach...etc. They make an effort to stock items for the gentleman too!

Now I haven't personally bought anything yet, but it's survived thus far, and I can see it going well. I am a member of their site, and also follow them on both twitter and facebook.

I saw this page: Reebonz 99% luxury sale

They'll give u more details as to how to get informed about when it's happening and all that. As of now, they've given 2 preview photos of what to expect at this sale..



and



One for the boys, and one for the girls!! I know, so unbelievable right?! So... i think u better just click my links to check it out... and i'm assuming u've got to play the game of fastest fingers first with SUCH an OUTRAGEOUS sale..

But this is just one of their many great events, so I strongly suggest you join as their member to reap all the benefits! They'll update you constantly via email with their upcoming events... also join their facebook fan page... there was a 12 day xmas bag giveaway just last year. that was pretty amazing!

Click on the advert right below this post to join, and u might even win yourself a Kate Spade pouch! It's all that simple! i share good stuff (:

baccckkk short update!

Been weeks or work after work, assignments and all that.. but finally last week we had a "rest" week.. well, at least no major tests or work due, so I joined our floor crawl... if anyone remembers, last year's floor crawl was AMAZING. fun hilarious whatnots. Soooo... i was gonna blog about that, but don't have so much time now.. but!! i've got previews..

That's most of my floormates this year in the TV room.

This is Ern, she's a junior from Sg also from my floor (: This year's floor theme is "around the world" so we were all assigned countries. She's obviously, from Italy! And I...

am from Mexico!! That's my team: Katrina, Hannah, Me and Jenna!

I'll be posting photos of great costumes and fun soon. so stay tuned! 

Oh, and see that hot pink skirt i got on? It's from Forever21!! Been shopping online recently and pooled orders with the Glennies to ship in stuff from F21! Got lotsa loot to share with everyone. Speaking of online shopping, I also learnt more about an awesome new web hangout called Jipaban! Looks fun and will totally try it out when I finally get my urgent work done! Another awesome portal to go to for amazing online shopping would be Reebonz ! Their advert is gonna be placed on my blog starting today.. and right now if u join, u might stand to win stuff from Kate Spade! They endeavour to bring u great deals on famous brands... it's great if you're a big fan of MiuMiu like me.. cos they'll have miumiu events almost every month if i'm not wrong! No harm joining cos u never know when u can get a good deal! Cy'all soon!

Am I not pretty enough - Kasey Chambers

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?x3




I know, it's such an old song.. but I just thought of it yesterday, never felt more befitting!! Feels just like my experience against the world now, and some people in my life. I really want to clarify. talk it out. but never is there a good time.


OH, but don't be mistaken, i enjoyed my birthday this year... it was a blast!! THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE,PPL! And no thanks for the love any of you don't mean.

i'm 21! and it's not all fluffy.

21. the passage into adulthood. wow. sounds all big and signifcant. but in fact, i don't feel very different.. although these few days have sparked the start of a new insight and a new discovery of me..

I felt mighty mighty loved this year... my early bday celebration.. then the one in Melbourne.. and all the  FB msgs and wall posts. smses..etc. so much so much love!! my family... who skyped me and dearest bro who got me the most awesome gift that was put to good use at my party.. i felt like there were so many people who cared about me. And i really should not be sad anymore because i'll only let these people down..

On the other hand, there are new people in my life, and some from my past too, who are dead lousy. Why do I have to be the one that tries?? I've had enough of your nonsense, whether it's ur neglect, ur lack of attention, or maybe just racism. i'm targetting quite a few bunches of ppl here.. ridiculous!! WHY do i have to put up with this? Why am i always the meek one. shit! Why am i the one giving, trying. fuck, am i not worth it??

I'm usually silent in an argument. I tend to take the step back, be the one who compromises, suffering in silence. blah. i also accommodate others, i let them do what they want even tho sometimes i don't really like it. i'll feel guilty if i don't take time to consider others, while some ppl only think of themselves. i always get people telling me "you're too nice!" apparently, that's a weakness. and not a virtue. shit, who knew? if there were more ppl like me, the world'd be a better place, hello! but no... this place is evil and fraught with the realities of selfish shitty ppl.

I also often let these bullies get to me. Be it the neighbours, or the so-called friends.. or stupid ppl at uni. i get upset when they look at me a certain way, or just stare at u like ur specimens or idiots, or being insincere and taking ur niceness for granted, thinking u'll always be there, so they can treat others better over you. BULLSHIT. why should i be upset any longer? i'll cry at the extreme, and i just get myself so miserable. my poor friends who love me so will feel at a loss. and nobody likes to see me emo here, twitter or fb. yet, i don't like to pour my thoughts on others, just on volunteers who are concerned enough to read the blog, fb or tweets....lol. i can't let the ppl who love me down anymore...

At this moment, i really still need a shoulder to cry on... first time i feel like i need one so badly.. ):

I don't want what;s bad for me anymore... I need to get rid of the insincere people in my life, the shitty ppl, the selfish ppl who think they can bully me... especially emotionally. i need to get rid of my stupid belief that if ur nice to others, they'll always be nice back. i need to start fighting my own fights, stand up for myself. be more direct, not be afraid to hurt others. i need to love myself. believe in myself..

with that said, i think it'll be tough... i still fundamentally believe in the goodness of everyone ): but i'll try to be more critical. but regarding getting rid of certain ppl in my life... i'm definitely gonna try real hard. it should be worth it.. better be.

pms-y

the days leading up to one's birthday.. is it supposed to go up and down like waves?? Cos i'm totally on this wavy pms-y line right now.. I'm smiling, happy and content one moment, and crying, depressed the next. WTF?!

I feel loved, yet unloved. i feel very alone.. i lack happiness in my own heart.  ):

Still going on with celebration plans though... lovelove.

the case of daffney

so apparently, Daphne is indeed a really rare name here! (a tad surprised since there are quite many greeks here, and it originates from Greece). When I called the clinic for an appt today, they accepted my name immediately when i said "Daphne".. a little surprised, but i thought "hey they know!"

I even filled a particulars form when i got there today.. apparently they probably don't even look at it. cos the doc asked me every question that was on the form all over again.. and when I came out with the prescription and looked, my name was freakin "Daffney Tan" OMGOMG. i wanted to burst out in laughter, but thought it quite rude to. But i dunno why i cared, considering i should be the one upset about my name being SO GROSSLY MISSPELLED!

And i was still thinking... wow. they're making me/my parents sound like Daffy Duck/ disney fan or sth. daffney. it looks funny! kiddish and weird. gah. I corrected them, and they updated their database, but i'm left with that name on the prescription..

Worse still, i brought it to the pharmacy, and they added an "i" -- Daffiney. which i just saw just now. Truly speechless!!

I will not entertain any comments that says "Hey, i thought daphne is pretty common!" It is NOT! it is rare and special, and truly rare to the point that the above can happen, here in Oz.. I know it seems pretty common in SG, but it wasn't when i was young.. (had it mispronounced in all sorts of ways by a whole host of ppl) I dunno how many ppl must've given themselves the name too! (i say. not counted!) haha. meh. Yea, i know i'm quite anal when i talk about my name.. :P