Am I not pretty enough - Kasey Chambers

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?x3




I know, it's such an old song.. but I just thought of it yesterday, never felt more befitting!! Feels just like my experience against the world now, and some people in my life. I really want to clarify. talk it out. but never is there a good time.


OH, but don't be mistaken, i enjoyed my birthday this year... it was a blast!! THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE,PPL! And no thanks for the love any of you don't mean.

i'm 21! and it's not all fluffy.

21. the passage into adulthood. wow. sounds all big and signifcant. but in fact, i don't feel very different.. although these few days have sparked the start of a new insight and a new discovery of me..

I felt mighty mighty loved this year... my early bday celebration.. then the one in Melbourne.. and all the  FB msgs and wall posts. smses..etc. so much so much love!! my family... who skyped me and dearest bro who got me the most awesome gift that was put to good use at my party.. i felt like there were so many people who cared about me. And i really should not be sad anymore because i'll only let these people down..

On the other hand, there are new people in my life, and some from my past too, who are dead lousy. Why do I have to be the one that tries?? I've had enough of your nonsense, whether it's ur neglect, ur lack of attention, or maybe just racism. i'm targetting quite a few bunches of ppl here.. ridiculous!! WHY do i have to put up with this? Why am i always the meek one. shit! Why am i the one giving, trying. fuck, am i not worth it??

I'm usually silent in an argument. I tend to take the step back, be the one who compromises, suffering in silence. blah. i also accommodate others, i let them do what they want even tho sometimes i don't really like it. i'll feel guilty if i don't take time to consider others, while some ppl only think of themselves. i always get people telling me "you're too nice!" apparently, that's a weakness. and not a virtue. shit, who knew? if there were more ppl like me, the world'd be a better place, hello! but no... this place is evil and fraught with the realities of selfish shitty ppl.

I also often let these bullies get to me. Be it the neighbours, or the so-called friends.. or stupid ppl at uni. i get upset when they look at me a certain way, or just stare at u like ur specimens or idiots, or being insincere and taking ur niceness for granted, thinking u'll always be there, so they can treat others better over you. BULLSHIT. why should i be upset any longer? i'll cry at the extreme, and i just get myself so miserable. my poor friends who love me so will feel at a loss. and nobody likes to see me emo here, twitter or fb. yet, i don't like to pour my thoughts on others, just on volunteers who are concerned enough to read the blog, fb or tweets....lol. i can't let the ppl who love me down anymore...

At this moment, i really still need a shoulder to cry on... first time i feel like i need one so badly.. ):

I don't want what;s bad for me anymore... I need to get rid of the insincere people in my life, the shitty ppl, the selfish ppl who think they can bully me... especially emotionally. i need to get rid of my stupid belief that if ur nice to others, they'll always be nice back. i need to start fighting my own fights, stand up for myself. be more direct, not be afraid to hurt others. i need to love myself. believe in myself..

with that said, i think it'll be tough... i still fundamentally believe in the goodness of everyone ): but i'll try to be more critical. but regarding getting rid of certain ppl in my life... i'm definitely gonna try real hard. it should be worth it.. better be.