alright! granny's op will be early tmr morning.. brought her to another appointment today as well and i think i'm falling sick. also couldn't control myself n got impatient with her again.. i feel horrid cos i shld really be giving her all the love n patience now, especially now that is.
tmr's op will be a simple one i think... still it doesn't mean it's riskless. i'm not as afraid as i was a few months back, being away and not completely understanding the situation... but still nervous. she's a strong woman.. but u can't deny her age. and she HAS gotten weaker as the years went by.. she spent so much of the past 2 decades taking care of everyone at home, and watched me grow up.. my biggest fear is of losing her. especially when i'm away.. if anything happens, i'll just go crazy.
which reminds me of a few months back. i kept crying cos i didn't know what was going on and they hadn't confirmed any diagnosis.. seemed so serious! i was so stressed... i thought of one person i really wanted to hear from. yet had no courage to call. this time i also really wanna share this with the same person, but it seems that also won't happen anymore..
well. can only feel upbeat and hope that everything goes super smoothly tmr... after her health is all-clear.. it'll be time to worry about myself.. i seem to be getting signs of poor health.. probably put stuff off long enough now. time i found out for sure.. but i've been feeling so down lately.. i wish i can get some optimism and strength, but i'll need to somehow make some out of nothing from inside me.. cos there'll only be one other person who can easily help.. but probably won't. just because he doesn't really know..
i promise when everything;s clear, i'm gonna stop all this emo-ing. need to get over this part emo feeling about going back to melb too.. the aussie glennies are all so excited to head back. and i'm just totally "zzzz"... is life back home so bad for them? or is college life that attractive? why don't i feel either. ):
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