):

the year started off quite well, i had a good time with the girls.. then someone gets mad at me for sth i swear i didn't even do. FINE IGNORE ME.

and now my grandma.. she tells me she hasn't slept all night. and STILL she wants to go to her friend's wake. wth?! I mean, it can wait.. i'm being mean by sayig she's not even a close friend. But one has to know her limits right? She can't even walk downstairs without even complaining of all the aches and pains.. and now she's gonna venture out on her own without sleep?!!!? I told her to go sleep, and we'll think of a solution as to how to bring her there after. Not like we don't have a car?

Anyway, she tells me "ok..." but she sneaked out of the house anyway! I dunno.. similar situations have happened too many times. She promises one thing and then stubbornly does another. making everyone so worried about her. I don't know.. maybe it's just me being emotional, but when i ran downstairs to look for her (and it's really a wild goose chase cos i've no idea where the fuck she went) and obviously can't find her, I started breaking down la. WHY!!! she has made me worry soooo much, but she keeps doing things that annoy me. WHY DOES SHE MAKE IT SO HARD FOR ME TO LOVE HER!!! i can't love someone who doesn't love herself.. or someone who won't just accept that she can rest and relax when there's nothing to do, instead of worrying over everyone/thing. she can't go on thinking about others only.. making ppl who love her hurt like that.. i'm so mentally tired everytime.. once again, i feel like packing up and just flying back to aus.. slowly feeling like there's nothing here to hold me back anymore. ARGHH. i dunno. i just wanna escape for a while. (i miss u frens.. but.. the push factors are strong.. ppl i love who dunno or cannot appreciate me.)

RAHH, i'm so tired from this crying... why can't ppl take care of themselves for the sake of ppl who love them? they're wittingly or unwittingly being seriously selfish in thinking whatever happens to them is their consequence alone. and yes, this is a general statement.